Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
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