You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
