i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
