I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
