that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
