i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
