You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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