i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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