I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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