White coat. Heels.
My room smells like vodka and shame
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
