i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
