Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
