My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
