Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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