what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
