I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
