in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
