Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
