Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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