i wish my penis had a tongue
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think i got beer on your cat.
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