I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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