she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
