i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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