The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
