8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
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His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
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Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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