So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
