I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
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So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
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Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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