all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
