textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
