you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
