it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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