Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
is that a dick in a sweater?
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