We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Help me help you realize you are a moron
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
