im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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