I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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