i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
