In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
