i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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