Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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