I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
