Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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