It's Friday. Sex?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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