I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
