so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
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It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
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We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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