I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
my liver is dry heaving
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
