That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Randomize
