just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
