I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
