My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
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She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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