I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
