That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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