if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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