we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
