Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I want to fling myself into the sun
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
