Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
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At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
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You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...