I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
