I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.