ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
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ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
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So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.