He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...