I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
