Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
