you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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