Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
