I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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