im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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