I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
