I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
