peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
