Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
