It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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