Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
