So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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