This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
